What Happened?

In year 22ish of my life, I thought that my life would be a lot different then it is right now. In 2020, I graduated with a major in social work and a minor in psychology. I immediately got a job working in social work in the Child Protection Unit of my home county. I started there in May of 2020 in the midst of a pandemic, so I never thought that the job would be easy, but it was far harder than I thought it was going to be or even what it should of been. 

I worked in CPS for three months before I quit. I tried really hard to convince myself that what I was feeling at work was just normal growing pains and that if I just kept working that I could get through it. I tried to believe that I just needed to work harder and become better at my job faster and then it would get better. 

Looking back, the turning point for me seriously considering leaving was when I had a phone call with a client and they told me repeatedly that I was ruining their life and that they hoped that I was dead. I then spent the rest of that day crying in my cubicle trying to get my other work done and when I left, I went to see my parents and started crying again. 

Finally at the start of my third month at the county; after work one day I sat in my bed and I made two lists. The first list was of reasons why I should stay at the county position and the other list was of reason why I needed to leave that position. The second list was pages long and I could barely find enough thing to fill up half the page of the first list. This really solidified my intention of turning in my resignation. 

So then the next day when I went into work, I told my supervisor of my decision and turned in my notice. I also spoke to the other members of my unit and let them know what I had decided to do. They were upset to see me go, but they also understood why I had decided to leave. 

I was sad that I had to leave as well, because I started this job with the expectation that I would be there for at least a few years and I didn't want to feel like I had given up especially on my first job out of college. However, as I told many of the people who asked about my decision to quit - when it comes down to choosing between a job that I work and my mental health that I have to live with - I wasn't going to pick the job. 

So flash forward about a year after I started that ill-fated job and I still live at home with my parents and younger siblings. I don't currently have health insurance. I am still in therapy.  I started another job in retail less than a month after I quit the county and decided to leave that job about a month ago as it was never supposed to be a permanent position. Now I work with my parents at our family business and am pursuing my art more in-depth and as a hopefully profitable endeavor. 

My life really does not look anything like the way that I thought it would one year ago, but I am happy where I am (most of the time - living with your family can be exhausting)